by Bolt Vanderhuge

Five feet of terror.

Tiffany Grant does!

It was my first con.  Ever.  Despite having been a life-long Trek fan, ironically my first con experience was going to be an anime convention in Winnipeg – Ai-Kon ’09.  I really hadn’t seen much anime at this point, so I really had no idea who Tiffany Grant even was.  Only when my friends brought up the fact that she’d been in that hilarious Sakura-Con commercial I’d seen and that she’d played the voice of Madam President in Golden Boy did I realize who she was, but even then I had no idea what awaited me.

You see, when I saw that Sakura-Con commercial, it was so impossibly over the top that I just assumed it was on purpose.  Trek fans make fun of themselves all the time, and since anime fans are pretty much the same (like it or not), I thought it was all in jest.  So for the whole con, my friends and I were going around shouting, “Girugamesh!”  We actually started to get recognized, and random people would often shout it and make the hand sign back at us.  Some Asian con-goers even filmed an American version of the infamous commercial, though it never did make it to YouTube (lying bastards).

On the last day of the con, my friends and I went to the elevator lobby for what should have been the last time, and were pleasantly surprised to see Tiffany Grant there.  Earlier we’d even ridden up with her and made small talk.  Being in a good mood and still riding high on our recent notoriety, I thought I’d see if she’d pose in a picture for us. So I walked up behind her and asked her, “Do you like sushi?”

It was kind of like this.

As soon as she turned around, the look she gave me let me know I done fucked up.  The ass-chewing was so powerful that all of my friends felt like they were getting chewed out along with me, including the friend down in the parking lot who at that very moment dropped an entire case of beer.

As it turns out, she does like sushi, but Vic Mignogna totally made her say that line, and he along with the internet totally ruined that poor kid’s life.  I was so shell-shocked that I never thought to inform her that I wasn’t the internet and that I wasn’t laughing at Girugamesh Guy, I was laughing with Girugamesh Guy.

Still, it’s probably for the best that I just quickly apologized.  Did I mentioned I’d waxed my eyebrows and died my hair to cosplay as Bato?  I can only hope I won’t be recognized in the future.