The Iron Man You Never Heard Of


A Fine Example of Weird Japanese Cyberpunk
by Bolt Vanderhuge

I am Iron Man.

I am at something of a loss as to describe what Tetsuo: The Iron Man actually is, let alone what it’s about. It usually gets described as a cyberpunk film, but to be honest that’s kind of stretching it. It definitely has the gritty “low life” aspect, but not so much the “high tech” part. I think it would be more fair to call it a Cronenberg body horror film, mainly because that’s the only other experience I have with the kind of gory surrealist body horror that this film revels in. But this film doesn’t play by any rules –it’s underground, yo- so much so that it takes over seven minutes of its 67 minute length to even let you know the title of the movie you’re watching.

It reminds me a lot of the 1977 film Eraserhead by David Lynch in how it was shot in black and white (with the harsh lighting that often goes with that), mostly takes place in a tiny apartment, and is just generally weird and kind of hard to follow in terms of story and plot, at least the first time you watch it. This movie actually does have a pretty straightforward story of revenge against a Japanese salaryman and his girlfriend by someone who apparently likes metal as much as they like having sex while someone they just ran over watches them.

Actually this film is extremely horny the more I think about it.

Both the sexualization of vehicular homicide and the transformation body horror remind me a lot of films by David Cronenberg, though. The main difference is that most of Cronenberg’s films tend to be a bit more straightforward, even if they get a bit surrealist at times. Tetsuo: The Iron Man by contrast is mostly surrealist with some brief respites of seeming reality to let the audience catch its breath before the really weird shit starts to happen.

A lot of reviewers would probably just satisfy themselves with making fun of a movie like this, and things like the robo futa rape would just help fuel that, but I honestly can’t say that this is a bad movie, it’s just fuckin’ weird is all. It’s the kind of thing you might expect a film student to make just to see if they can, with a very unusual sense of humor, and, like I mentioned before, it’s also very horny. There is a lot of stop-motion photography used that just adds to the strange feel of this movie, and the score by Chu Ishikawa really adds to this as well, giving it that ‘80s cyberpunk feel in spite of lacking the high-tech futuristic aspect (as far as I can tell). It very much feels like an anime, but is somehow more surreal because it isn’t.

So while I would generally recommend this movie, there’s a bit of a caveat there. Do you like watching weird shit? If you do, you’d probably like this movie, too. If not, then you should probably avoid it. Since you aren’t going to find this in Netflix and video stores aren’t really a thing anymore, if you do want to watch it without having to buy it first, fortunately archive.org has a copy of it with English subtitles.

Maybe Check It Out:

Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989 film)
Written, Directed, Edited, and Produced by Shinya Tsukamoto
Distributed by Kaijyu Theatres, Licenced by Arrow Video

Whiff it good

Moyashimon tastes better than it smells!
By Bob Johnson

IDK My BFF Jill, sure this isn’t Hetalia: Tales of Portugal ?

This one really takes me back. Way way back, to before I even cared about anime all that much, when it was just kind of a sideshow to the tabletop and computer gaming circles that were my main jam. My university’s anime club watched this one almost right away, when “right away” meant waiting for Geneon to release a DVD box set, have someone in the club bring it over, and have everyone say, “ya sure you betcha” when the idea of watching it for the club was floated.

I was amused from the beginning to watch this university school life show called “Tales of Agriculture” in a university lecture hall, from the same projectors that handled the daily powerpoint slides mere hours before – and actually learn something! It is just as informative, and certainly more entertaining, than the average introductory microbiology course, and now… whoa, 16 years already since its release?? Well, it still holds up.

The show’s about a brewers’ son, Tadayasu Sawaki, whose folks send him to cow college to get his degree. Along the way, we meet a few colourful characters that help drive the plot forward, as well as a special situation that requires Sawaki to risk revealing his superpower: he can see and hear microbes, which appear to him as cute little anime chibis. Along the way, there’s much done to explain the science of fermentation and spoilage in food and beverages.

Our lead characters are a short-stacked, short-tempered Anime Protagonist, supported by a lackadaisical, weird-food loving professor, permagrads in three flavours, and some love interests for our superhero that are obvious but perenially and humourously deflected.

A lab is only as good as its staph… er, staff…

The real stars of the show are the chibi microbes, though. All of them are vaguely shaped like the real microbe and have a silly smile on their face unless they need to be in another broadly brushed mood. Generally they just sit there or float around, but occasionally they talk directly to or about Sawaki, or to each other. It’s a somewhat different approach than say, Cells at Work, which also turned bacteria into characters. But unlike the scary germs in that show, most of the microbes we see here are just little derps who actually help humans out, doing things like making sake boozy or cheese taste good.

The real MVPs.

I hate to call it “Old School” – as Moyashimon is available today as it was originally shown – in full HD – but it still harkens back to an older era, before moé took over everything, when vampy milfs could still be Best Girl, and CG was still pretty bad but could be put to effective use in certain situations. The mid-2000s still had a lively market for odd manga with a semi-educational message, and interesting shows could still make it to the US even without a dub.

Other folks saw Moyashimon and said “eh, that’s kinda weird” – I went and made Natto and Sake for real, because that’s muh freedom. Apparently that’s a bit lacking in Japan, which (as the show mentions) has strict limits on home and microbrewing, something that America rolled back in the ’70s. Thanks, Jimmy Carter! Homemade sake is awesome, and it’s easier to make than beer… I should do another batch sometime. Natto, on the other hand, well let’s be generous and say it’s just not going to happen indoors at my place. But hey, watch Episode 8 if you want to learn the recipe for yourself.

NO U

If you’re still thinking, ‘eww gross! germs!’ Well sure, Moyashimon won’t please everyone. It’s cute and silly and nerdy as all get out, with just a dash of spice, and that is certainly better than you would expect from a biology textbook masquerading as an anime. What this show is not (thank god!) is a shonen action adventure isekai, which is why I strongly, strongly recommend thoughtful, genuinely nice shows like this as an antidote to the braindead, same-y, copy-paste, slime mold matting every surface of the modern anime quarterly release schedule.

Fuck Yeah, Look it up:
Moyashimon (2007) 11 episode anime
Based on the manga by Masayuki Ishikawa
Produced by Shirogumi and Telecom, Licenced by Crunchyroll
Streaming (press time): Crunchyrol