Did we hit a NERV?

by Bolt Vanderhuge

It’s time to get over Evangelion It's a quiet day in Lake Woebegone...

Despite all the experience I’ve had with the stereotypical weeaboo, it never ceases to amaze me just what pathetic losers they can be. Whether it’s insisting on calling it “ah-ni-may” or arguing that all of it absolutely must be watched in its original Japanese dub instead of in a language they can actually understand or something else that makes me hate their guts, there is always something stupid that they can do or whine about that manages to set a new low. I’m writing this article especially for those people, because while I really don’t hate Evangelion apparently my review of it managed to piss some weeaboos off.

I guess expressing a desire for a show to be better somehow equates to wishing it had never existed, because one of the main arguments I saw was, “if it wasn’t for Eva, there would be no [insert much better anime here].” This argument does not work. Other shows are other shows, and even if Evangelion did manage to start some new clichés so many other animes like to follow, that doesn’t change the fact that it sucked and could have been a lot better.

Oh, but it’s the most perfect anime show ever already, you say? No, it isn’t. I don’t give a rat’s ass about anyone’s interpretation of it either, especially not the bullshit idea that the angels represented America and the like. It wasn’t in the show, period. Even if Hideaki Anno and Gainax Studios said something about the show was supposed to represent something, what’s important is if the intent actually came out on screen as the show played out. This applies to any movie, TV series, miniseries, or book. Evangelion was about a bunch of children being forced to fight giant monsters with other giant monsters, and constantly whining in between and even during those fights. It managed to combine two of the things Japan seems to love: mecha and giant monsters fighting. And while some of the action actually managed to be exciting, for the most part the show consisted of characters whining. The protagonist was the worst offender, which made the show that much harder to watch.

But I know what the real reason is that some people like this series to the point of obsessing over it: the eye candy, and I don’t just mean all the cool sci-fi technology. This series is full of fan service, and frankly, it’s kind of disturbing considering that so much of it involves children. This show is so pedophilic that it makes one wonder. Rei is the half-clone of Gendo’s wife, and you can’t deny the sexual aspects to Gendo’s relationship with her, especially when he literally reaches into her before everyone turns into orange juice. Then there’s also the way Gendo planned out the incestuous relationship between Shinji and Rei, and manipulated them to realize his plans. They actually end up fucking. And while I’m sure plenty of guys fantasized about doing it with a hot woman like Misato when they were 14, sorry, but that’s till pedophilic on Misato’s end of it. So to be frank, with the vast majority of the fan service that was in this show, if you enjoyed it, you’re even more perverted than I am. Just admit it and go watch My Sister Can’t Be This Cute already. From the sounds of it, it’s the perfect incestuous fan service anime for perverts who like Evangelion.

 Maybe look it up:
Neon Genesis Evangelion series
Created and directed by Hideaki Anno
Originally produced by Gainax, now by Khara / Tatsunoko


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