Clawing my eyes out

by Bob Johnson

You pervs are the market for the truly sickening Oreimo

In Episode 5, Kirino shows how much she values her “friends”

Oreimo (My Sister Can’t Be This Cute) is an anime about brotherly love. The kind of brotherly love that should put you in jail.

Let’s not pretend here: you only want to watch this because you were the type of kid that stared yearningly at a pile of imouto-tan’s laundry as you pleasured yourself in the half-bath, toes jammed under the door just in case you forgot to lock.

This is the sort of anime that’s only possible because Japan has thousands of pervs just like you. Not only are you a creep, you’re not even unique. So get over yourself and move on to something that’s actually decent, or at least read this review so I’ve spoiled the whole thing for you.

The world of Oreimo doesn’t just suffer from inbreeding in the traditional sense; our entire universe is shaped by just four main characters. Kirino Kosaka is the title character; her brother Kyosuke is the protagonist. They are quickly joined by a pair of otaku girls: the tall, bespectacled Saori (who diplomatically presides over the group’s regular encounters). and a goth who goes by “Kuroneko” (who is constantly trading insults with Kirino).

The episodes are formulaic. Each week, Kirino is even more of a brat than usual. For some reason (guess why), Kyosuke makes it his mission to cheer her up. After consulting with Saori and Kuroneko, he comes up with a plan that typically requires him to spend the rest of the day with Kirino.

Just so it doesn’t get monotonous, there’s an alternative plotline where Kirino has to suffer through the injustice of being looked down upon because she wastes all her time and money on plastic crap, dating sims, and DVDs. The eternal fount of understanding that he is, Kyosuke takes it upon himself to lobby on behalf of his sister, sacrificing his dignity to allow her to continue being a spoiled brat.

There’s some minor plotlines with minor characters: Kyosuke’s childhood friend Manami is in love with him; Kirino’s friend and fellow model Ayase has trust issues; and another fellow model Kanako is a total prima donna.

But you want to know about the goods, right? I shan’t indulge you. Suffice it to say that there’s enough fanservice of middle-school girls here to make any sane person ill. Atop that, they imply creepier stuff that had me vomiting into a bucket by the fifth episode.

While I was mildly relieved by the broadcast-friendly “good” ending in episode 12, they couldn’t leave bad enough alone, and are producing an alternate “true” ending (no doubt a-la-hentai) to be released as a four episode OVA this summer. I don’t want to see that. You shouldn’t want to see that. And yet it seems that every berry of ripe shit that falls from Japan’s ass finds an open mouth waiting for it. So shut your face, you GOD. DAMN. WEEABOO

Don’t look it up:
Ore no Imoto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai
Based on the manga series by Tsukasa Fushimi
Produced by AIC Build, Licenced by Aniplex USA